About this blog

It's official, I'm throwing my hat into the blogger arena.  I know I am one of thousands of therapists who has a blog and the last thing I want to convey is that I have some great gift of wisdom to give the world.  In thinking about what unique voice I can offer, I found my attention drawn to my stories that come to mind when I am in a vulnerable space with someone.  Often I will share a part of the story to validate and teach, but more often I find myself reminiscing and connecting with the personal meaning for me.  I intend to use this space to tell my stories and hopefully inspire others to value and tell their own.

I remember as a young boy marveling at people who could tell a great story- they were animated, involved, sincere and they had my attention.  I felt like a part of the whole group when we were all experiencing the same shock, humor, surprise, and reflection as the storyteller wove the narrative.  As an adult I appreciate a good story for completely different reasons.  As a therapist, I specialize in treating sexual addiction and relationship issues.  I have worked with teens and adults, individuals and families.  Without exception, everyone I have worked with has a compelling story- a narrative that explains how they see the world and why they are stuck in the patterns they are in.  I have come to appreciate the fact that telling our stories can either trap us further in our pain or it can free us.

Patrick Carnes, PhD, noted expert in the field of addiction explains the importance of our stories in the change process:

"Each of us has an internal narrative about our life.  We use this narrative as a way to see the world and explain it to ourselves.  For addicts, this story typically involves fear, shame, victimization, blame, and anger.  The more we retell this story to ourselves, and the more we see the world through the filter of our narrative, the deeper we dig the painful and habitual neural pathways in our brain.  This keeps us locked in our addiction and in our repetitive, dangerous patterns of behavior.

"Recent science has revealed that we can literally change our brain by re-telling our story so that it includes new perceptions, new understandings, and new conclusions.  As we re-write our story, we rewire our brain by building new, more functional neural pathways.  Over time, as we continue to retell this new story to ourselves and others, we strengthen and deepen those pathways, providing ever more support for our healing and recovery." (A Gentle Path Through the 12 Steps)

Addict or not, everyone can relate to feelings of shame, fear, blame, victimization, and anger in their own stories.  I hope in the retelling of my stories, you connect with your own and you start to see the power of retelling and more importantly sharing our stories.